Three cheers for Jason Pollock!

I know it's been a long time since I've posted a blog on this site. There has been a writer's strike in my mind. I think I'm the only one reading this anyway.
I am sitting here at my day job and thinking to myself, you never hear anyone say "Hip Hip Hooray!" anymore. I looked it up in the all knowing Wikipedia and this is what they had to say. ""Hip Hip Hooray" is the traditional response to "Three cheers for..." in many cultures, with the initiator calling "Hip Hip" and others responding "Hooray". To this day, it is in common usage at children's birthday parties in many parts of the English-speaking world."
They said, "To this day..."
Though, we are all very familiar with this chant, I've never actually been at a kid's party or any party where people yell hip hip hooray.
Mostly it's "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Ok. I hope this got you thinking.

New Comedy Club to open up at the Overlook Hotel!

I finally found a hotel willing to house a new comedy club! The Overlook Hotel is allowing me to lease one of their empty rooms.
For those of you familiar with it, we are opening right next to the Lloyd's Gold Room bar and restaurant!
They're looking to boost business again. A lot of people stopped coming in after the lobby would flood with waves of blood from the elevators. Whiners. Whatever. They don't complain at Gwar concerts.
We think this might be what the hotel needs. They tried sending up women in bear costumes to orally please their male clientel, but it just wasn't enough.
Comedy is the way to go.
So release that little boy who lives in your mouth and come on down to Grady's Girls Comedy House! We want you to laugh with us forever and ever and ever and ever and ever!

Was this really that good a song?

This is Gerard McMann singing Cry Little Sister live at Monstermania. Watch for special appearances by Brooke Mcarter and Corey Haim.

MONSTERMANIA!

Sorry that my blog was in syndication for so long. I was having techinical difficulties. I'm back, fellow people.
If you weren't at Monstermania in Cherry Hill, then last weekend, then you missed it. How profound was that last sentence?
There were all kinds of horror celebrities, beautiful women in sexy whory costumes, a whole lot of freaks, alcohol, crazy things for sale, and what did I do for the majority of the convention? I realized how much fun it was to drop plastic shower caps out of my hotel window. They puff up like jellyfish and it's so much fun to watch them fly.
There was a Lost Boys reunion and an Elm Street reunion. It looked like the Lost Boys won; as there was always some fan at a Lost Boys table, the Elm Street people were a little awkward to walk by. They sat and stared as they seemed desperate to sell their stuff and greet the fans. Robert Englund did great. Heather Langenkamp had some steady lines. The Elm Street 3 through 5 tables were making acting seem very unappealing.
Jake Busey was there and very friendly and easy to talk to. For those Starship Trooper fans, I did witness him, with ninja-like speed, crush a fly on his Starship Trooper picture. He looked up and exclaimed, "Death to bugs!" Good Lord! I'm such a nerd!
Jeffrey Combs of Reanimator fame was a really nice and humble guy. I didn't recognize him, not crazy.
Lin Shaye, Kingpin & Something About Mary, is also the sweetest woman in the world. It was refreshing to see her look like a normal human being. Not to say I would do anything with her, I'm just saying she looked good.
Jason Mewes was making his second appearance at Monstermania. He had some of the best quotes of Monstermania. After saying he has a problem with his vagina, he said, "My fingers smell like 19 year old vagina. You know when it still smells a little like piss."
The one-hit wonder from the 80s who sung the theme to the Lost Boys(Cry Little Sister)did an acoustic performance in the ballroom to a crowd that might have been bigger than the democratic convention.
It was the saddest scene, really. I couldn't take it. People were going nuts for him. You know what? Good for him, really. At least it was a gig.
Brooke Mcarter, the blonde mulleted vampire from the Lost Boys, was probably the coolest guy there. Really friendly and a nice guy. I have nothing else to say about him.
Now let's get to the Corey's. I didn't get to see or meet Corey Feldman and his wife, but I heard they were great and very down to earth.
Now Corey Haim, that's a whole other blog. I'll just say, that it's ashame. He used to come off as this loveable young kid from the 80s.
Oh! How could I forget John Kassir? He's the voice of the Crypt Keeper and apparently an old stand-up comedian who even worked Rascals back in the day.
I was one of the few who were witness to a glimpse at a private stand-up show in one of the suite parties Saturday night. While everyone held up their camera phones to smile and record this throw back to early Robin Williams impressions with no jokes attached, I couldn't help but think how much comedy has changed over the years.
Oh well, See you at the next one.

The answer to the recession is balloons.

As some of you know, I work in a real estate office in a model home at a residential community. Every weekend, I have to pick up six mylar balloons with American flags on them to tie up on three different signs throughout the community.
First of all, if any of you had driven with six inflated balloons in your car, you know that it's incredibly frustrating because they are always trying to sneak into the front seat and obstruct your vision. I usually get very angry and release my balloon rage on them, physically. To their credit, they can withstand it.
However, I realized that I am doing a service to my country by tying these balloons to real estate signs.
A friend of mine last night asked me if anyone was buying these houses. I said yes. My friend, Eric, pointed out that it must be the balloons. Perhaps the market is so down right now because we are not using enough balloons.
I can only assume that when people are driving by real estate signs, they maybe glance over, but then get back to their Jonas Brothers song. You know as well as I do, that if that same person, sees an American flag balloon on a sign, no matter what the sign is, they are going to come to a screeching halt and need to support whoever that sign belongs to. Because whoever owns that sign loves America and balloons.
Wife: Why did you stop?
Husband: Did you see the balloons on that sign?!
Wife: What?! Shit let's go!
Balloons mean party. Isn't that what everyone likes? Parties? Balloons are like positive people. On a rainy day, they are saggy and frowning. On a beautiful day, those balloons stand tall and proud representing America and the economy. After all, the money for the balloons goes to the Dollar Surplus store. The Asian Dollar Surplus employees in turn will spend it on other things. You see how balloons create that circle of money and life?
Some people worry that balloons and their strings are dangerous for birds. Really? Aren't there enough birds in the world?
Remember people. As the great Eric Kennedy says, "Maybe there won't be so many foreclosures if there were more balloons on signs."
I hope you learned something from this blog. Or more than likely, you're thinking that similar line from Billy Madison, "We're all a little dumber for having read this."

Farewell to the king who died on his throne!

Today marks the 31 year anniversary of Elvis Presley's death. Comedian Mike Eagan once said of Elvis, "He never heard the plop." Well, that's because he died on the toilet. What does this teach us? He's human after all.
Isn't it ironic to have someone who was and still worshipped by so many die in the most humbling of positions?
Either way, when you die it all comes out anyway. He could have been one of the few who was able to empty everything out in the toilet at the time of death. Makes it a bit easier, doesn't it.
I'm an Elvis fan. My favorite Elvis is the 70s Elvis. That's when it got over-the-top. Plus, I related better. He started gaining weight. Even though he only ever wrote one or two songs, the man could sing and knew how to put on a show. I appreciate over-the-top.
Well, here are some videos to pay tribute to the king.

My favorite Karaoke song! It's fun to work up a sweat to this.


Eddie Murphy - Delirious


The Wonder of You


This one is Elvis really screwing up the words. It's a great tribute and just six weeks before his death.

How many times has this happened to you?

This is surreal and can give you nightmares.