The Great Pluto Debate is intense

I heard on NPR today that people are still debating on whether Pluto should be a planet or not. People are taking time out of their lives to debate this. You might read this and say, "It's important!" Or you might not. All I know is somewhere there is a family at home where the kids are saying, "Where's daddy?"
The mother gets fed up, wishing he was having an affair instead of debating the planet controversy in Baltimore. When he comes home he says, "Pluto is a planet again!"
She tells him, "That's nice. Did you bring milk?" No he didn't.
His poor wife will try to make love to him that night. "What's wrong, honey? Is it me?"
"No." He'll tell her. "I just can't stop thinking about Pluto. It's just so innocent and small."
"You love Pluto, don't you."
"Yes, honey. Yes I do."
"You son of a bitch! Why don't you go live there?!"
"Honey, you don't understand!"
"No! I do! I found pictures! I went online. I found HUNDREDS of pictures of Pluto! You photoshopped lingerie on the planet! You took pictures of me and put Pluto's face where my face should be, you asshole!"
The husband will pack his bag and shoot himself into space. When he's floating randomly through the universe, he will have his arms and legs out stretched just hoping that his now lifeless body runs into Pluto so he can be part of it forever.
This will ruin a marriage.
I understand Pluto is like me in a lot of ways. He doesn't quite do the job he's supposed to, but he's incredibly charming and knew the right people so they let him stay, even though there are others out there just like Pluto and maybe a little more qualified.
I wonder if people are at this debate in Baltimore getting really angry. The majority of people are now saying, "You know what? Pluto has been in our little 9 planet grouping for so long. He's got several moons. What the hell? There's been songs. Let's keep it.... you know.. for kids." Then people are ripping their hair out and getting red-faced yelling, "Goddammit! It's too fucking small!"
Gustav Holst composed a piece of music called the Planets and left Pluto out. He knew about Pluto. This was after Pluto became a planet, but before this "debate".
He probably grew up in a time of 8 planets. When the new, smaller planet was passed, he stuck to his stubborness and said, "You will never be a planet in my eyes. These damn kids today want to make every big rock with a moon a planet. Well, I will not include it this brilliant piece of music I'm composing. That'll show 'em. Fuck you junior scientists."
Granted, I'm still looking for a better job, but when they said on the radio this morning that Pluto might be a planet again, I thought, "oh."