Good thing for horror movies!

Horror fans are really prepared for the unexpected. Yes. We might be nerds, but if there is a zombie attack, who are you going to run to? The nerds. We know how to handle ourselves. There are plenty of books out there now as well, thankfully. I was thinking about this, since I'm currently making the same rate of pay as a ghostbuster.
Vampires, we know how to handle that. If there were such things as vampires, it might be an alternative, if the job search runs out. Why not?
Some people join the military. Others get tired of the every day grind at the office and move to a small town in Maine or California to open up a small shop. If vampires existed, people might say, "You know what? I need a life change. I've been thinking about getting bitten. Not all the way, just one or two bites so I can be half vampire and see if I like it." You can't! It's got to be all or nothing!
The vampire lifestyle is something that would have to be regulated and closely monitored so the innocents don't get hurt. Anything that can be killed by bright light is not really a threat. Gremlins are kind of like the same thing. I've never heard of a gremlin getting cancer. We should look into that.
Werewolves are just out of control. How many times have you heard that? Of course, they would be a fetish. There would be werewolf porn. They have poo and dog porn, so there would naturally be women or men who love werewolves. Would sex with a werewolf be bestiality? Maybe. Bottom line is that it's sick. Don't do it. It's also very dangerous. I am personally glad that there are no werewolves. I don't own a gun. Therefore, I have no silver bullets. THEREFORE, I am defenseless. Fuck! Werewolves are loose cannons, however, and can easily get themselves into trouble.
You might be asking what's the difference between Frankenstein and Zombies. They're both living dead. True. Frankenstein has a working brain. He is not eating flesh and has a little more of a brain. Frankenstein is just retarded. He's kind of like Lenny from Of Mice and Men. Zombies don't really have a conscience. Can you imagine walking up to somebody and just biting them? Someone you don't know? It takes a lot of balls to do that. Zombies will do anything and get themselves into any situation without a lot of thought. They are like the Jackass crew of the monster world.
Mummies apparently come equipped with curses. That's weird. The best you can do is not believe in it and hope for the best.
If you encounter a witch, remind them what happened in Salem. Remind them only if they are giving you a hard time. They can be pretty sensitive. Or you can give them a Depeche Mode or Smiths cd and they'll be happy.
A man that haunts you in your dreams is not cool. A restraining order won't work against him. You can't not fall asleep. So you're just really going to have to use your best imagination to outwit him, pull him out of your dreams, and call the police. It's best to let them handle it.
If a female is possessed by the devil, first of all, easy lay. They are all about sinning. However, if you show any sign of weakness, they can devour your thingy. Show a little satan loving and you should be ok. Afterwards, say thank you, heil hitler, and just leave.
Blobs? Easy. If you have a fire extinguisher and a freezer, you're set.
Let's say your house is haunted by poltergeists. Just leave. Why would you stay? If they follow you? You have no choice, but to just befriend them and occasionally expect the unexpected. You might turn around while fixing lunch and all the chairs would be on the table. Stay calm and say, "I'm late for work. I promise I'll play with you when I get home." They feed off your fear. They can sense it. If you're not afraid they won't do anything but annoy you, like dogs. If objects are moving around your room and a fast motion, just say, "Whatever. Seriously (insert name of one haunting) someone could get hurt. It's getting old. Stop." Be as calm as possible. It will leave you alone.
I hope you learned something from all this.