Did you ever feel like running away and starting over in a place where nobody knows you? I can't say how often I have been thinking about that.
There's a huge part of me that keeps saying I'm going to leave the comedy world forever. I'm sick of it. Comedy has caused me too much of a headache. As soon as that thought is in my head, I get offered another comedic opportunity and jump on it. When will it be enough?
When am I going to have proved whatever I want to prove to myself and be able to walk away and settle down with a 9-5 job, buy a house, and have a family?
I don't know if I can.
I'm envious of my sister's life in a way. She married a great guy, had two awesome kids, bought a house, has a dog and a pool, and is content with life. If I really wanted that, I could do it. But instead I have to deal with the artist's mentality. I know this sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself blah blah blah. This is just my means of venting. Without health insurance, I can't afford therapy, so this will have to suffice.
I was talking to my friend, Mark Riccadonna, who, if you haven't seen him perform, you need to, briefly about why we do this comedy thing.
It's an addiction. It's a drug. When you feel that rush of a good performance, whether it's comedy, acting, playing music, whatever, it's too big a rush for most people to never want to experience again.
Working at a desk job, during the day, I drink a lot of coffee. It's not because I'm tired or really like the flavor. It's because I need some kind of stimulant. I need to come close to feeling that rush.
Now, I don't do drugs. Nor am I a heavy drinker. I'm too much of a hypochondriac for that. Plus, I don't really like the out-of-control feeling.
Coffee is completely legal. No matter how much I drink I can't get arrested. That would be weird.
I remember being in an acting class years ago and all the students were talking about why we wanted to get into acting. The majority said, "Because they want to be better than their parents." I guess when it's ingrained in your head, that you have to go to school, get straight As, go to college, get an honest job, and settle down, sometimes people feel the need to rebel. They need to say, "No. It doesn't always need to be like that."
I just feel that you only live once. You need to do what you enjoy. I think if I don't keep trying and driving myself crazy, I'll be ultimately miserable. There is an exception to the rule. Let's say, someone from some mysterious place appeared to me and said, "You're never going to be successful in the field you want, BUT you've put up with a lot. Here's what we're going to do. I'm setting you up with a gorgeous estate in Maine for the summers and Miami for the winter months. You'll have a room specifically for all-female orgies, and we'll give you an endless supply of cash." Seriously, that's fine.
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5 comments:
running away to a place where nobody knows you... hmm, I think I'm pretty good at that.
"Coffee is completely legal. No matter how much I drink I can't get arrested. That would be weird."
Hey Jay, it's Bob Kennedy. Your quote above gave me an idea. A horror movie called "The Caffeine Killer". A guy is horribly disfigured from a cup of coffee, so to punish society he starts eaing people at trendy coffee houses. OR, he kidnaps coffee drinkers and brings them to his basement where he dips them in a giant tub of hot coffee.
Maybe you should try some crack.
I think Heroin is more of the drug to mellow me out.
first of all, those students from your acting class? They are all out of the business now and either suckling off the same parents they brazenly mock or they are staying true to their word and working shitty menial labor jobs.
Second, I don't know this Bob Huckleberry comedian character you're talking about, but if you are only into comedy for the rush, you're just chasing a dragon, you might as well smoke crack, like one of your insightful friends noted.
Third. Grow some balls. Every successful producer has them. You don't have to actually be violent, just present yourself in a way that gives pause. Yes, it's a mafia respect move, but who's gonna call bullshit on you, Marty fucking Baldstein? Example: you're short, so you go up to a club owner and stare right in his eyes with no smili g and say "You know, people used to make fun of Napoleon, but what they didn't pass down along with that fable was that if you crossed Napeoleon he would tie your hands to one horse and your feet to another horse, and then lash them both with a whip and when they galloped in opposite directio a they'd rip you in half. If they respected him they'd still be alive today." (always make an impossible assertion, just so they know you can't be reasoned with.)
Fourthly, you don't have to leave because nobody knows you already. Start over here.
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